Changes 4/4

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Changes
By T. L. Odell
Part 4/4
See Part 0 for Disclaimers


After starting the fire, Duncan picked up the bottle of merlot Tessa had
set out.  The same kind they'd had the night before he left for
Charlotte.  That hadn't been a good night; his spirits continued to
sink.  His hands trembled as he opened the bottle and poured two
glasses.

"Can I help with anything else?" he said, poking his head into the
bedroom.

Tessa called out from the bathroom.  "Put the casserole in the oven
at 350.  It just needs to be heated.  Oh, and take the platter of
cheese out.  And open the crackers; they're on the counter."

"Done," said Duncan.  "Anything else?"

"No.  I'll be out in a couple of minutes."

Tessa emerged, dressed in a long flowing black knit dress that
hugged every curve.  She was wearing the antique silver necklace
he'd given her on their wedding day.  A silver clip pinned her hair
up, accentuating her long slender neck.  Duncan's eyes misted.
*Please, let her be fine.  I love her so much.*  "You're lovely," was
all he could choke out.

She smiled nervously.  Duncan stared into her face, trying to read
any expression that would give him a clue, but he saw nothing
beyond apprehension.  *If it's good news, she wouldn't wait.*

"How about a glass of wine?" Tessa asked.

Duncan handed her a glass, taking the other for himself.

She raised her glass.  "To us," she said softly.

"To us," Duncan repeated, touching her glass with his.  They
sipped their wine.  It was all Duncan could do to keep quiet, to
wait for Tessa to tell him what was wrong.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" she asked as she put a piece
of cheese on a cracker.

"I'm sorry.  I just love to look at you."  *Please, tell me what's
wrong.*

She blushed.  "Tell me about Charlotte.  Anything special at the
sale?"

Duncan swore under his breath.  The vise in his chest tightened
some more.  He forced himself to talk about his trip, about the
antique sword collection he'd purchased, about the weather in
Charlotte, about what he'd eaten, answering all of Tessa's questions
while ignoring the ringing in his ears and the pounding of his heart.

"Dinner should be ready.  Why don't you sit down at the table; I'll
get everything."

She rose and went to the kitchen.  Duncan watched her as she
moved gracefully through  dressing and tossing the salad, cutting
slices from a large loaf of bread, and setting a bowl of what looked
like fuzzy pea pods on the table.  She set a bowl of salad at each
place, and the basket of bread in the center of the table.

"I don't think you've ever served edamame before, " remarked
Duncan as he popped the beans from the pods into his mouth.  "I
remember eating them in Japan."

"Cecile and I had them at the sushi restaurant, and I really liked
them.  She showed me where to buy them.  I'm glad you like them,
too."

They ate their salads and Tessa told him some of the things she'd
done with Cecile; they'd spent a day at the salon getting massages,
facials and pedicures, talked a lot, and had a genuine "girl-time"
visit.

"Sit," said Tessa as Duncan started to clear the salad plates.  "I'll do
that."  She rinsed the plates and brought the casserole from the
oven.

"What is this?" asked Duncan as Tessa heaped a generous portion
onto his plate.  "Doesn't look like something we've had before."

"It's a new recipe.  Cecile bought me a new cookbook, too.  How
do you like it?"  She looked at him expectantly.

Duncan tentatively stuck his fork into the mixture.  He toyed with
it for a minute, both to see if he could identify the contents, and to
will his stomach to unclench.  Every time he looked at Tessa, he
grew more worried.  "I see tomatoes, onions, some other green
vegetable stuff.  Maybe some cheese, some kind of meat?
Noodles?"

"Just take a bite and tell me if you like it."

He composed his face so that no matter what he tasted, he'd be able
to say it was delicious, and brought the fork to his mouth.  He
chewed carefully, trying to identify the flavors.  He recognized
garlic, olive oil, oregano, maybe a hint of red pepper.  "It's good,
Tess.  Some lasagna variation?"

Tessa was eating her portion without hesitation.  She swallowed
and said, "That's close enough.  I think the cookbook called it
Italian Tofu Casserole."

"Tofu, eh?  What about the ground meat?"

"Actually, that's soy, too.  There's no meat in it at all.  Even the
cheese is soy based."

"Are we vegetarians now?"

"No, we're not vegetarians, but there will be some changes in our
diet.  That is, unless you want to do all your own cooking."

"Tessa, this is fine.  I will eat anything and everything you put in
front of me.  But can I ask why the sudden dietary change?"

"I just thought it would be a healthier way for me to eat."

The knife in his gut twisted.  *Why does she need a healthier way
to eat?  An anti- cancer diet?*  He could stand it no longer.
"What's wrong?  Please, tell me."

"Let's go to the living room.  I think the fire could use another log,
don't you?"

Another delay.  Duncan practically threw the log into the fireplace.
The fire flared, and he sat down on the couch next to Tessa.  She
handed him his wine glass and snuggled up next to him.

"I guess you may have noticed that I've been testy lately," she
began, her voice tentative.

"Maybe a little," Duncan said cautiously, putting his arm around
her.

"It's okay, Mac.  More than a little.  Maybe "bitch" would be a
better word."

"You'll never get me to say that."

"But I'll bet you've thought it more than once.  Anyway, Cecile and
I were having an all night soul baring session, and I told her about
some of the things that have been going on with me."

"You know you could have talked to me.  You can always trust
me."

"I know that, but it's not necessarily a matter of trust.  Sometimes
you need another woman to confide in.  Someone who knows what
it's like to be you, to be mortal, to be growing old."

He nodded, accepting her words, dreading what he might hear
next.  "Please go on."

"She insisted that I go to the doctor.  She called, somehow got me
an appointment for the next day, and literally dragged me there,
even came into the examining room with me.  She really made sure
that we discussed all the options and got the best treatment for
me."

He pulled away and turned to face her, his hands resting just above
her knees.  "Tess, my God.  What's wrong?  Tell me," he pleaded.
"I'm here for you, no matter what."  She grimaced, and he realized
he was gripping her legs tightly enough to hurt her.

"I'm sorry.  I didn't realize … I didn't mean to get you this upset.  I
just didn't know how to tell you.  I had to get the courage to talk
about this.  It's not something we've discussed in my family."

He took her hands and stared into her eyes.  "Just tell me."

"With everything that's been going on, the sleepless nights, the
sweats, the way I snap at you all the time … I thought I was having
a nervous breakdown.  Thank goodness Cecile recognized the
symptoms and got me to the right doctor."

"Tessa.  Please.  What did the doctor say?"

"Mac, I'm going through menopause.  The doctor prescribed some
hormones, and I already feel a difference.  I've slept through the
last two nights, and haven't thrown anything at anyone--Mac?
Mac?  What's wrong?"

"Menopause?  Did you say menopause?  Oh, Tessa.  Oh my
goodness, Tessa."  He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  "If you
knew how worried I was--I saw the doctor appointment on the
calendar--I thought you were really sick--you said, "have to talk--"
He gathered her up in his arms and crushed her to his chest.  "Oh,
my sweet Tessa."

The knife in his gut disappeared, the vise in his chest loosened, and
he realized he was crying, not laughing.  He removed the clip from
Tessa's hair, letting it fall free so he could run his fingers through
it.

Tessa pulled away and reached up for his face.  Her expression
softened as she wiped the tears from his cheeks.  "You're crying."

He looked at her.  "You are too."  He kissed her face, savoring the
saltiness of her tears.

"Well." she smiled at him.  "I'm menopausal.  I cry at everything.
What's your excuse?"

"I'm in love with a menopausal woman."  And he hugged her
again.

"You know it won't be easy living with me."

"And when has it ever been easy living with a temperamental
artist?  Tessa, there's nothing wrong with menopause.  It's just part
of the life cycle.  Granted, it's a difficult part-"

Tessa poked him in the chest-hard.  He grabbed her hands and
kissed her-hard.  He felt her body relax into his; he released her
hands, and she embraced him.

"So, tell me, how many menopausal women have you been
involved with?" she whispered between kisses.

"Counting you?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Let me see."  He stopped for a minute, and Tessa pulled away
again, looking at him with an expression Duncan wasn't sure was
completely in jest.

"That would be one," he said quickly.

"I guess we'll learn how to get through this together, then."

"I can't think of anything better than traveling new roads with the
woman I love."

"Even over the bumps?" Tessa asked.

"Especially over the bumps.  That's what makes life interesting."

Tessa reached for her wine glass.  "To bumps."

"To bumps," Duncan echoed.

Duncan stretched out on the couch, pulling Tessa closer to him.
She turned and melted into his body, her legs tucked up under her
as she stared into the fire.

"This is hard for me to say," she whispered.

"Just say it, Tessa.  Anything.  I'll understand, I promise."

"I'm fifty."

"I know that."  He tousled her hair.

"I'm serious, Mac."  She took a deep breath.  "I have the libido of a
fifty year old woman.  Yours is of a thirty year old man.  I can't
always be there for you.  It doesn't mean I love you any less."

"Tessa, I swear to you, that will not be a problem.  I love you.  We
will work through this.  Whatever makes you happy will make me
happy."

"Are you really sure?"  I mean-"

"Shh, Tess.  I'm sure.  I've never been surer of anything."  He
leaned down and kissed the back of her neck and felt her tremble.

"Would you just hold me for a while, please?" she said in a
tremulous voice.

"For as long as you like," he whispered.  He wrapped his arms
around her.  "For as long as you like."

The End

Note:  This story is dedicated to all the wonderful ladies at the
iVillage Menopause Support Board.  Thanks for all your advice,
for sharing your experiences, and for being there.  tlo

Feedback to tlco777@juno.com

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