Homecoming 1 of 1

      Celedon (celedon1@AIRMAIL.NET)
      Sat, 7 Jul 2001 11:14:51 -0500

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      Homecoming 1 of 1
      
      Rated PG
      Characters: CM, reference to Rachel Ellenstein
      Feel free to archive it anyone, just please let me know where you are =
      putting it!  :-)
      This was a Mid Week Challenge off the HolyGround forum.  One was =
      supposed  to use lyrics to set the mood of the piece a la the Lyric =
      Wheel.
      
      All feedback should be directed to: celedon1@airmail.net
      
      Homecoming
      
      The December snow crunched underfoot.  He silently cursed the old lock =
      on the door before him then with a swift shake of the door the lock gave =
      way .  The door swung open; he entered the darkened room before him, =
      glancing over at the sheet-draped pieces of furniture and artwork that =
      was strewn about the large expanse of floor space.   He went over to the =
      window to look out.
      
      A winter's day in a deep and dark December=20
      I am alone=20
      Gazing from my window to the streets below=20
      On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow=20
      I am a rock, I am an island=20
      
      Memories came flooding back as he gazed down to the streets then upwards =
      to the now changed skyline that reflected the futuristic reality that =
      was now the present in the outside world.  It was so vastly different =
      since the last time he had stood in this very spot several years ago on =
      another winter's day to watch those who were watching him.  Rachel's =
      death had re-opened wounds he would rather not re-live again but yet he =
      knew he would have to. =20
      
      He turned abruptly from the window and began removing the sheets from =
      the furniture to see what lay underneath and check out the condition of =
      each piece.  As he worked, his mind was whirling as he tried to think =
      ahead of what his life would be like while his heart steeled itself once =
      more from what he truly was feeling at the moment now that he was back =
      in his own home and alone once again.
      
      I've built walls, a fortress deep and mighty=20
      That none may penetrate=20
      I have no need for friendship, friendship causes pain=20
      It's laughter and it's loving I disdain=20
      I am a rock, I am an island=20
      
      The muscles in his jaw clenched and relaxed as he moved methodically =
      about his work.  Each piece revealed something new that needed replacing =
      or stirred up painful memories that he would have rather kept from =
      experiencing again.  His gaze directed itself to the wall which was =
      lined with a multitude of old photographs, tintypes, paintings, =
      certificates from the differing eras and lives he had led.  They =
      softened as they fell upon a large framed painting that took center =
      stage in the midst of all the other memorabilia.
      
      With a few swift strides, he was before it.  Tremulously, he reached out =
      to brush the thick layer of dust away from it.  His face took on a level =
      of grief and sadness that one wouldn't have thought possible as he =
      stared with longing at the lovely and fresh-faced woman in the portrait. =
       Tears unwillingly seemed to rise in his eyes; he swallowed at the =
      hardened lump in his throat that threatened to wreck everything he was =
      trying to do here.=20
      
      Don't talk of love, well I've heard the word before
      It's sleeping in my memory=20
      I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died=20
      If I'd never loved, I never would have cried=20
      I am a rock, I am an island=20
      
      Finally, with great reluctance, he turned his back on the portrait and =
      moved on down the wall, adjusting and dusting each and everything that =
      was hung there.  But a distinct crunching of glass underfoot caused him =
      to look down at the floor. =20
      
      A picture had fallen face down from the wall; he reached down, picked it =
      up, shaking it off as he did so and turned it over to see which one it =
      had been.
      
      A young woman stared back at him from the black and white photo held in =
      his hand.  He slowly drifted to go back to the window to look at it =
      better by the light provided by antique street lamps outside his now =
      dilapidated brownstone. One finger traced the outlines of the face in =
      the picture while his voice shakily said, "Rachel..."
      
      Mental images came flooding back of war and gunfire along with the =
      discovery of a very frightened little girl in an abandoned warehouse.  =
      They then dissolved into a happy girl in pigtails swinging on an old =
      tire swing in the large backyard then rapidly shifted from one image to =
      another as the little girl became a young woman then an older one in his =
      mind....
      
      Time it was=20
      And what a time it was=20
      It was=20
      A time of innocence=20
      A time of confidences=20
      Long ago, it must be=20
      I have a photograph=20
      Preserve your memories=20
      They're all that's left of you=20
      
      
      He sighed deeply and sat on the windowsill, looking at nothing and =
      noticing nothing that happened below him. His heart was torn between =
      tearing in two from the numbing ache it was feeling and the hardening =
      against any show of emotion he might possibly feel about what had =
      happened.  The two emotions warred with one another for some time; =
      Connor sat with eyes closed until he thought it was safe to open them =
      again to the world outside and below. =20
      
      The old habit of showing no emotion to the world and others had won out. =
      =20
      
      He stood.  Walking over to his small rotunda behind and just to the =
      right of the stairs that led up to the bedrooms and loft  he threw open =
      the doors. He walked in and breathed a sigh of relief.  Here at least he =
      could hide from any and all things.  He was safe.
      
      I have my books and my poetry to protect me=20
      I am shielded in my armor=20
      Hiding in my room, safe within my womb=20
      I touch no one and no one touches me=20
      
      He took the three steps downward into the room then another one before =
      sinking into the deep blue cushions of his horseshoe shaped couch.  He =
      leaned back his head and closed his eyes to the world once more, =
      blocking out everything except the feeling that he was home. =20
      
      Home, at long last.
      
      I am a rock,=20
      I am an island=20
      And a rock feels no pain=20
      And an island never cries.
      
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