Chapter Seventeen The lowering of the afternoon sun caused a deep shadow across Duncan MacLeod as he sat quietly in the over-stuffed chair in the corner of Caitlin's room watching her sleep. Tanya lay beside him on the floor, her head nestled across her paws, her eyes closed as she patiently waited for her mistress to wake up. Shifting his gaze out the window as the sun slid slowly behind the trees, Duncan felt the weight of his over four-hundred years of Immortality pressing in on him as he too waited. Dreading her reaction when she realized she hadn't escaped him after all. Suddenly his attention was drawn to Tanya as her head snapped up, her eyes tightly focused on the bed as Caitlin began to stir. Barely breathing, Duncan watched with both relief and trepidation, his fingers digging into the arms of the chair as Caitlin's eyes began to open. Padding over to the bed, Tanya laid her head on the edge and waited. Rousing slowly, a frown creasing her brow, Caitlin cautiously moved her head, before daring to open her eyes. Feeling a weight on the side of the bed, she turned her head to find Tanya quietly sitting with her chin resting there. Smiling weakly, Caitlin slid her hand across the blanket, and ran her fingers over the dog's soft ear and gave it a little tug. "Sorry girl, I'm not feeling too great right now, we'll play later, okay?" Cocking her head, sensing she had to be quiet, she contented herself by merely licking Caitlin's fingers before settling down on the rug beside the bed. Bracing her hands on the mattress, Caitlin tried to pull herself into a sitting position and quickly realized it was a bad idea. Sucking in her breath with a hiss as shards of pain surged through her battered and abused body, she stopped momentarily and then tried again. Hidden in the shadows, Duncan's face mirrored her expression of pain, as she attempted to pull herself upright. Unable to sit silently by any longer as she continued to struggle, the light from the setting sun exposed his grave expression as he rose, his chest tight with apprehension to help her. His step faltered when Caitlin gasped in surprise as she realized he had been sitting in the corner watching her. Staring at each other for several seconds, both unable to speak for different reasons, Caitlin spoke in a frail whisper. "Duncan, why were you sitting there in the dark. I don't understand, what happened? My head's killing me and I feel like someone's used me for a punching bag." Stunned by her words, he couldn't help but stutter in a strained voice. "Wha-what?" Adding cautiously, "Don't you remember?" "Remember what?" Placing her hands against her temples trying to ease the throbbing pain, she said. "The last thing I remember is clearing away the dishes after you left for the island. Why do I feel so exhausted? The sun is just going down, so you couldn't have been gone that long." Still unable to believe the reprieve he'd been given, he cleared his throat and said quietly. "Actually, that was yesterday. You've been out for over twenty-four hours." Shaken, she gasped. "What! But, that's not possible! What happened?" "I'm not sure." He said vaguely, and hesitated. Afraid that any explanation might jog her memory. Deciding he might as well tell the truth, at least part of it, he said. "When I returned from the island at dusk yesterday, I found you laying at the bottom of the stairs." Closely watching for her reaction, he continued so softly, Caitlin had to strain to hear him. "Apparently, you fell coming down the steps for some reason and hit your head." "Is that why I can't remember?" "It could be. I remember reading an article once about football players sometimes suffering short periods of memory loss after a particularly rough game, from the impact of their brain hitting against the inside of their skull when they were tackled. "I suppose, that sounds reasonable." Caitlin said frowning, and added as she rubbed her hand across her forehead. "That explains why I've got this pounding headache." "I found a bottle of generic ibuprofen in the bathroom, I'll get you a couple of tablets for your headache." He said, and started to walk away. "Duncan?" Turning around he noticed her face was slightly red. "Speaking of the bathroom, I-um need to use it, but I'm so stiff and sore from the fall I can hardly move. I'd appreciate it If you could help me to the door." Understanding her predicament, he helped her rise. Catching her weight against him as she swayed, he wrapped his arm around her waist and carefully guided her to the bathroom. Waiting outside the door until she was finished, and then escorting her back to bed. Grabbing his hand as he tucked her into bed again, she asked, slightly winded from her short trek to the bathroom. "Would you lay down beside me for a while and hold me?" Torn between wanting to hold her, and knowing the condition she was in, he hesitated. "I'm not sure that's a very good idea right now Caitlin, I might drift off and hurt you in my sleep." Smiling, she said, "I'll take that chance. As strange as it sounds after being out for over twenty four hours, I feel extremely tired and you look like you could a good night's sleep yourself." Dismissing his excuse, she held out her hand. "I need to feel the security of your arms around me as I sleep Duncan, I want you beside me. Please" Seeing the love shining out of her eyes, instead of the hate and fear he had been expecting, he clasped her hand and carefully laid down beside her on top of the covers. Even though they were both asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow, every time Caitlin moaned or twitched in her sleep during the night, Duncan woke up, fearing something was wrong. Rousing early the next morning, he found himself on his side tucked behind the length of Caitlin's body, his arm draped over her waist. Moving his hand to stroke her hair, he felt her body jerk and stiffen. "I'm sorry sweetheart," he said while nuzzling her neck. "I didn't mean to startle you. I didn't realize you were awake." Caitlin lay still and didn't answer. Concerned by her lack of response, he braced himself on his elbow and gently turned her to face him. But, Caitlin avoided his gaze, by keeping her eyes closed. "Caitlin, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Placing his hand against the softness of her cheek, he pleaded. "Caitlin, please look at me and tell me what's wrong. Caitlin-" The look of repugnance and accusation in her eyes when she finally looked at him sucked the very breath from his body, leaving him pale and shaken. Turning away, he slowly rose from the bed and stood looking out the window. "You remember!" He said, his voice filled with bitterness, his broad shoulders drooping from the weight of her condemnation. "You were hoping I wouldn't!" She snapped with contempt. "Yes", he said, shaking his head, his voice plaintive. "At least until I had the chance to explain." "Explain what? That you're a murderer, and for reasons I don't understand, my father not only recorded what you did, but condoned it." She said, feeling a sense of triumph as she saw him flinch from her brutal verbal attack. "I'm not a murderer." He ground out as he swung around to face her, her accusations cutting deeper than any immortal's blade had ever done. "It's not what you think." "You killed those two men in the photographs!" She said, already finding him guilty. "Yes." He said wearily, jamming his clenched fists into his pockets and turning back towards the window again. He was so tired of having to justify his life to mortals. A life he didn't choose. "Because they were trying to kill me. You read your father's notes, you know I had no choice." Ignoring his last remark she continued her inquisition. "The woman standing on the shore, is she the same one in the photograph at the your cabin?" "Yes." He said bleakly, wishing he could turn back the clock. Wishing Tessa was there with him, so he could hold her and feel the warmth of her unconditional love, instead of Caitlin's cold rejection and condemnation. "What happened to her did you kill her too, after she saw what you did?" Caitlin asked sharply. "NO! Dammit, I loved her, she-was my life!" Duncan rapped out, as he swung around to glare at her, his voice choked with emotion. He still carried a two-fold sense of guilt for Tessa's death. He was the reason she had been kidnapped by renegade Watcher Pallin Wolf to lure him into trap so he could kill him. If he only would have left with Tessa and Richie that night after it was all over, instead of staying behind to see what he could find out about Wolf and his followers, he could have stopped them both from being shot by a strung-out junkie looking for an easy mark. Alarmed by the fury in his eyes, afraid she had pushed him too far, Caitlin drew back and watched as anger, pain and regret crossed his taut features. Looking at her pale face and uneasy behavior, he knew she realized she had gone over the line and she was frightened. Reining in his temper, he thought for a moment. It suddenly occurred to him that she should already know the answers to the questions she was asking. Walking over to the bed he looked down at her and asked, quietly. "Why are you asking me these questions Caitlin? I thought you read your father's journal, that's why you were running away from me? And since I'm asking the questions, where and when did you find it? Feeling defensive, unable to stand his scrutiny, she looked away again before answering, her voice tense. "I saw the journal by accident yesterday morning while getting Tanya's ball from underneath my father's drafting table. It was wedged behind the bookcase." "Why didn't you mention finding it then ?" Duncan asked, puzzled. "I had forgotten about it. After you left for the island, I remembered seeing it. I was curious so I decided to pull it out. When I saw the symbol on the cover I thought it was a year book or something from when my father was in college. He had the same symbol tattooed on his wrist. He told me when I was younger, it was from a fraternity he belonged to. "You saw the photographs, but you didn't take the time to read the journal did you." He said, shaking his head, some of his anger returning. "No, what did you expect? When I read the title page and found the pictures with the descriptions on the back, I was so shocked and horrified. I, I just panicked." Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he reached out to touch her, but let his hand drop when she gasped and pulled away. The muscles in his jaw tensed, though he spoke, calmly. "I know what you found is disturbing and I understand why you were frightened. But, there "is" an explanation. Just give me a chance to explain. I know how it looks Caitlin, after all we've shared, and as close as we've become, do you really think I'm capable of doing the things you're accusing me of. Just two days ago, you told me you loved me. Just last night, you wanted my arms around you while you slept. I'm still the same man Caitlin. I'm not the one who's changed. I, still love you." Her eyes remained cold as she looked at him. Then, she turned away again. When she refused to acknowledge his plea to hear him out, he rose to his feet and briefly looked at her, deciding it was best if he left the room. Glancing upward as he turned and walked away, Caitlin caught the expression of sadness in depths of his eyes. Regretting her impulsive outburst and recriminations, yet still unwilling to listen to any justification for his actions, she let him leave the room without speaking. "I don't understand how it could all go so wrong." She murmured, her own eyes filling with tears. "So many secrets kept from me by the people I loved and thought I knew. So many lies. So many illusions. My marriage towards the end, the man I thought my father was, and now even Duncan." Crying herself to sleep, Caitlin woke up later that evening to find the lamp on the bedside table lit and Tanya laying against her on the bed, her head resting on her lap. Quickly glancing at the chair in the corner of room, she was relieved to find it empty. The pounding in her head had receded to a dull ache. Looking around, she discovered the bottle of ibuprofen and a glass of water setting within reach on the nightstand. Taking the appropriate dose, she decided it was time for another trip to the bathroom. Wincing, as she folded back the covers, she managed to slide her feet to the floor. Leaning on the nightstand, she pulled herself upright biting her lip against the pain and walked stiffly towards the door, bracing herself on the furniture as she went. Pausing to gather her courage, she opened the door enough to slip through and noticed the lights were on in the mainroom, but Duncan was no where in sight. Using the wall for support, she edged her way towards the bathroom, praying that Duncan wouldn't walk towards the bedroom and see her. Opening the door of the bathroom after she was finished, she waited a few moments to make sure the coast was clear before cautiously walking back to the bedroom. Slipping back inside and quietly closing the door, she almost fainted when she turned around and found Duncan standing in the middle of the room holding a dinner tray. Dimly silhouetted against the light from the bedside lamp silently watching her as she lingered against the door. "Why didn't you call me, I would have helped you?" He said softly. "I, I didn't know if you were still here." She said defensively, rising her chin in defiance. "Besides, I feel better and I thought I could use the exercise." Choosing to ignore her ill-tempered behavior, he said pleasantly. "I thought you might be hungry, so I fixed you a tray. It's just soup and a sandwich, I didn't think you could handle anything heavier right now." "You can just leave it on the dresser", she said, arrogantly, sounding like a grand dame giving orders to a lowly servant." Looking at her like a tolerant parent dealing with a wayward child, he merely raised an eye brow and continued to watch her from the middle of the room. Feeling her legs starting to tremble, she knew she couldn't hover where she was much longer before she embarrassed herself by falling to the floor. Eyeing him nervously, she wondered how she was going to get around him. While mentally calculating her options, he surprised her by setting the tray on the dresser and walking towards the door. Mentally sighing in relief, she started to move aside. But, her feeling of relief quickly turned to alarm when instead of leaving, he swooped her up in his arms and sat her on the edge of the bed. Lifting her legs and sliding them under the covers, he retrieved the dinner tray from the dresser and sat it across her lap, ignoring her feeble attempts to protest. Looking down at her with exasperation, his hands on his hips, he scowled and said. "Has anyone ever told you, you're too damned stubborn for your own good!" With that parting remark, he walked out of the room and slammed the door, leaving Caitlin sputtering and fuming unable to think of suitable retort. Her first reaction was to hurl his precious tray of food at the bedroom door, but as if on cue, she heard the pronounced sound of her stomach growling and decided she'd only be punishing herself.